It got me thinking – if my life was made up by characters from the movies which would I be?
I think that we all have a romanticised or fantastical view of what movie we would be associated with and which character we would be, but we can’t all be Han Solo or Holly Golightly!
Side
Note – Sorry I have side noted so early on but I must confess I took a bit of a
gamble with Holly Golightly. I have no idea who women would most like to be
associated with but with the amount of merchandising the character from
Breakfast at Tiffanys has, I thought I it was worth a punt. Feel free to
correct me if I’m wrong!P.S. I have never seen Breakfast at Tiffanys.
In my childhood I would love to have possessed the quick witted and self-reliant confidence of Kevin from Home Alone (I’ll forgo the smug little sh*t elements of his personality!). The reality however was less interesting as I was an only child at the time and so less likely to be left in the attic whilst everyone else jetted off on holiday. Our attic was cold and damp and definitely didn’t possess a nice bed to rest my weary head, not unless you counted the pigeon nest that we were infested with one year.
As for Secondary School that one is obvious… I was Ferris Bueller… alas unfortunately only in my own mind. The smart and charming teenager who outwitted his teachers, had a hot girlfriend and had access to a vintage, rare and extremely expensive Ferrari California (an example was auctioned in 2007 for $4.9 million - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferrari_250#250_GT_California_Spyder_LWB) was a million miles from my teen years.
Side
Note – Am I the only person in Britain to despise the change from Secondary
School to High School??? We’re not American, Proms and ‘High School
Graduations’ are not in our heritage the same way as intentionally whacking a
knuckle during a game of conkers isn’t found in the gun strewn playgrounds of
the good ol’US of A. As for renaming failing schools – Academies – Don’t get me
Started!!
Side
Side Note – Don’t take the above side note as being Anti American because it’s
not… it’s Anti Britain adopting American Culture.
Side
Side Side Note –I can see the irony of not liking us Brits adopting too much of
American culture while Blogging about my life whilst referencing mainly
American movies… but hey as Judd Nelson says “Eat My Shorts”
Only a PG rating I'm afraid! (with me as a toddler with my Mum and Dad: note the flairs!)
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Ferris’ quote from his Day Off is spot on, I often feel like I just need to stop and smell the roses. BUT not when I was a teenager, only a middle aged man could have written that piece of truth. No when I was that age, time was painfully slow, the spot on your forehead seem to take a month to disappear. The embarrassment of being turned down for a date with a girl took months if not years to get over (now I know what you’re thinking, “Haf you’re a gorgeous hunk of studdliness, I’m sure you never got turned down even once!”… Well I’m sure I can do a whole separate blog on the inaccuracy of your statement! Suffice to say I had less success then a Jabba the Hutt lookalike Leper with the personal grooming habits of farmyard pig!
Analysing how close my life was to Ferris’ highlights how we as adults perceive our teenage years as opposed to the reality of the time. The only thing in common that I had with Ferris was liking the song Twist and Shout by the Beatles… and I would never have sung it on a float in a parade, I don’t even sing in the shower unlike Monsieur Bueller! In fact I really have nothing in common with the mainly middle class families portrayed in mainstream cinema. Ferris and Kevin both live in luxurious mansions in the suburbs (the Home Alone house recently sold for $1.6m http://www.chicagotribune.com/classified/realestate/luxury/ct-biz-home-alone-house-may5,0,5798589.photogallery).
The real truth of the matter is we go to the flicks to escape our lives, if our lives were really put up on screen it would bore the pants of us. That’s not to say our lives are boring, interesting things that happen to us in real life just do not portray well on the big screen. So the trick I suppose is to ignore the urge to wish you were James Bond and revel in who you are, the unique one of a kind you. Unless of course you really are James Bond and in that case get yourself to AA and an STD clinic sharpish (maybe it would be best to go to the clinic first as your results will probably need a few drinks to digest)!
My Uni years were as far removed from the movie equivalent as my teens were from Mr F Bueller Esq. I can’t think of one British film that portrays University years so again I have to fall back upon our American cousin’s depictions. My place of higher educational learning was the University of Lincolnshire and Humberside (it had recently been renamed from the University of Humberside, then changed in my third year to the University of Lincoln). A place so crap they tried to disguise who they really were by dropping the embarrassment of being associated with Humberside. The former polytechnic (for my American friends – read Community College) undeservedly upgraded to University status based in Hull – I think I may have mentioned my thoughts on Hull previously; unfortunately I neglected to use the words festering, sphincter and armpit in my previous description. My bad, sorry.
Side Note – please do not be confused with the University of Hull which is by all accounts a fine seat of higher learning that has also been a proper University for many decades. No this is the poor relative next door, the Ali Dia to the George Weah (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Dia).
As a mature student at the ripe old age of 23 perhaps my closest reference would be the film Old School but much to the relief of the populous of ‘ull (drop the H to pronounce it like a local) I didn’t end up streaking down the street. I’m sure I would have been strung up like a Monkey (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_hanger) if I had, by some of the tolerant locals. Don’t get me wrong I met some really nice Hullensians, but I also met some right rednecks! I can safely say that University was NOT the best years of my life although I did make a couple of really good friends.
And with that I am going to end Part 1 with my life at the stage of pre meeting my wife. Part 2 will be provisionally titled How I Met Your Mother (that sounds like a good title for a TV show if you ask me!) and will feature Vodka, a Mother-in-Law and Nappies (Diapers)… Re-reading that last bit I may have made it sound like my mother in law is an alcoholic with an incontinence problem (and as there is a danger that she may read this), let me assure this is certainly not the case.
Please feel free to leave any comments you have below, any negative or horrible comments will be taken to heart and I will hunt you down… and cry on your shoulder begging for forgiveness!
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